Never Going Back Again
by SoulessSarcasm
Summary: Yea... No slash, just angst I guess.. R&R? :D


_Alright, first SP fic that I published. R&R? :D _

_The idea comes from my own angst... Just something I threw together for the hell of it._

_:L I don't expect any positive feedback, but if I do, I'll continue it cause i have an idea... xP_

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><p>When you make a promise to someone, when you <em>swear on your grandma's grave<em>, you usually expect to keep those ones right? You think that, somewhere, in the back of your mind, you can remember all sorts of little key things that would make you want to keep that promise, as if your life depended on it... Right? And you know what's at stake when you can't keep your word...

Well, I guess there's something _really_ wrong with me. I mean, when you see shows like Intervention, and you see the addict sincerely apologizing, and promising to get help, and at the end- in those note things that tell you what happens after- they relapse, you don't really think that _you'll_ ever be the one, relapsing, breaking promise everyone begged you to keep? I know how dangerous and frowned upon it is, and how easy it is to stay away from it, but I _can't_. In the scheme of things, I'm _hooked_. And I knew that, somewhere inside my brain, from the first time.

Some people might say that it was Cartman's fault, for making me do it, and others might just blame peer pressure in general- like I needed to do it in order to gain some sort of status (almost like a compensation for my social standing based on my parents' income). But... I know who's fault it was. I knew that I could say no, no matter how much cash the fatass waved in my face. I knew I could stop when they banned cats all together- I could have at least tried at Kyle's dad's speech at the end of the ordeal.

_But I couldn't._

It was pathetic- that would be a generous word to describe it- but, I eventually gave into temptation around seventh grade. I was three years clean, honest! Not a single need, thought... Not a one.

Actually, the day of my relapse was a good day (up until that point, of course). The guys and I were headed out to by Kyle's brother a gift. And of course, it had to be something _good_- as in, we couldn't buy him his first porno magazine- so, we were pretty stumped. We stumbled across a new pet store, and Kyle decided he wanted to buy his young brother some sort of pet- because I am assuming he wasn't going to buy him a dog leash just for the fun of it- so, we walked inside. My initial reaction to the odor was that I wanted to wait outside. I dunno why, really, but I just felt the need to go outside. "Aye, this smells like Kenny's house!" I cringed initially, just slightly, at Cartman's random words.

... Maybe I should have expected them.

"Shut up, fatass, at least his house doesn't smell like your mom's loose vag!" Kyle shot back before I could react. I cracked a smile, Stan laughed, and Cartman retorted with something about his religion, as expected. When I realized that this wasn't going anywhere, I walked away from them. I could hear the squawks of the birds, and squeaking of a hamster wheel. Normal pet store sounds.

"Aw, mommy! Look at the little kitty-cat!" I nearly dropped the dog toy I was squeezing, and my ears twitched slightly. The little girl was obviously rather excited about it, and I waltzed over to see her pointing inside a cage. My eyes were wide, taking in the sight. It was a little kitten- looked like Cartman's old one- and he or she was just sleeping pleasantly in the corner of the temporary house, innocently. "Can we get her? Please?" I heard the little girl ask, tugging at her mother's purse, full of excitement and glee.

"Hey, dude, what about a cat?" I heard a different voice ask, and I whipped my head around to see the guys standing behind me.

"Nah, man, remember last time we had a cat in my house?" I heard Cartman crack up at that, but quiet down after a few seconds, like he remembered something serious about the situation.

"Well," I started, my eyebrows raised, "what about a hamster or something like that? I mean, you can't exactly... _cheese_... from it, and they're small, so it would be easy for him to take care of?" I offered, my body going stiff at the mention of cheesing, and I swallowed a non-existent lump in my throat.

"Hey! That's a good idea, Ken," replied the ginger, a grin on his pale face as he turned around to walk over to that area. The other two followed after him, and I hesitated.

"We'll see, hon, a cat's a big responsibility."

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><p>After we had decided on Ike's gift- Kyle decided on some sort of math help book thing (he was just going to<em> love<em>that), in order to keep his mom happy- we all went over to Stan's house to watch a movie. It was just on T.V., though, so it had commercial breaks. Fox was having some sort of special broadcast, apparently, and they just had to show a commercial for it.

"Aw, weak, dude!" I heard Stan cry out, making me laugh a bit. I wasn't paying enough attention, though, to pay attention to this special broadcast, so I didn't really hear much of it. "Aw, this is so stupid, who cheeses anymore, anyways?" I heard him say later on. My eyes darted towards the screen, but the movie was back on. I could feel my heart racing, and my body go stiff again.

"Hey guys, I just remembered, I have some homework to do!"

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><p>And that is exactly how I got to where I am today. Snorting cat piss, in my dad's rusty old truck. It was a good place to do it, actually, because he had eventually moved the thing to the backyard. So, I could sneak out my window at night, or whenever, really. No one ever ventured back there, anyways. So, it was a win-win situation- I got a place to cheese, and my dad's truck got some use (he didn't know that, of course).<p>

I had a ritual, you see. After cheesing, I would go through the high, and when I came down, I would have a cold shower, and a cup of coffee, to rid the smell that would obviously linger on me. A nice, cool, shower and the contrasting feeling of hot coffee were definitely things that sobered me right up.

It was simple enough, actually, getting away with it. If my mom was asking why I was out back, I'd simply tell her that I was practicing for mechanics.

_I wasn't in mechanics._

After coming down from my five am high- it was six forty one now- I walked into the kitchen, seeing my parents arguing over something, which wasn't out of the ordinary for them. I almost slipped by unnoticed, but they called me. "Oh, Kenny! I forgot to tell ya this, but your cousin- Leanne- is staying with us fer a little bit!"

I nodded, and shrugged it off. I didn't give a shit about her, and the feeling was mutual. As I walked down the hall, I noticed steam coming out from underneath the bathroom door, and I realized who was in there, and how long they'd be taking. Instantly, I started pounding on the door.

"Leanne! I need to use the-"

"Whatever, Kenny, I got here first."

There was no arguing with this bitch, and anyone with a brain knew that. But, I obviously don't have one, because I argued with her regardless, pretty much wasting all the water we could afford in one go.

"Kenny! What the hell are ya doing here? Go get ready for school!" I heard my mom call, and what she meant by that was, get the fuck out of here, your dad and I need to have some make up sex.

I grunted, and walked into my room, and grabbed my empty backpack, and walked out the door, more angry with Leanne than anything. All the way, I was raging to myself, until I found three familiar boys standing at the bus stop, shoving each other around, like always. I stood next to Cartman, my hands shoved inside my orange parka, my eyes narrowed, glaring at the slushy road in front of me.

"Hey, Kenny, who do you think would win if Kyle and I-" the brunette's words stopped cold, and I turned my head to see the issue, only to find utter disgust written all over his face. "What the fuck smells like dying bird carcasses?" he almost shrieked, his hands flying up to his mid-face, covering his mouth and nose.

"Oh shut up, asshole, Kenny just got here!" Kyle replied, for me, as usual. "No need to rip on him already!" I turned to him, a bit of a grin on my face, but there was something funny knitted into his pale face too… Luckily, he didn't shout out something without thinking too.

"Is that… You..?" Stan asked after an eternity of silence, his nose wrinkling as he dramatically sniffed the air around me. I shrugged, half-heartedly, trying to think of excuses for the smell.

"Kenny…" Kyle said softly, his voice of something worse than disappointment. I cringed at the tone, my body stiffening, a familiar feeling of my heart dropping to hell. "Don't tell me…"

I looked back down to the ground, my toes clenching, and a ball of sickness forming in my guts. "It's not what you think…" I forced out, voice cracking pathetically.

"Bull fucking shit, asshole! What do you mean to say, McCormick? A cat came and just pissed on your face without reason? Fuck that, you _promised_ us, asshole. You selfish prick! How long, huh? How long ago was your initial relapse? Dickwad, speak up!" Cartman yelled at me, grabbing the collar of my parka, making me look directly in his face.

"… A few years," there was no use in lying, right?

He dropped me down to my feet, but I stumbled backwards, and fell. I felt snow get kicked on my face, and I squeezed my eyes shut. "Stupid prick," I heard Stan mumble, through gritted teeth. I heard the screech of the bus pulling up, and I didn't move from my position. I just looked forward, not cringing as I felt Kyle step on my hand as he passed by me.

"We believed you…" I heard him say. I watched as the bus pulled away, without me, and I fell back down onto the snow.

… So much for keeping promises.


End file.
